A Narcissist's Guide To Self Importance (For All You Losers That Wish You Could Be More Like Me)...

Having Noticed The Trend In Self-Help Book Sales I've Decided To Unashamedly Capitalize Upon Those With The Limitless Desire To Be Guided Along The Path Of Self-Help. I've Taken Quotes From Celebrities And Historical Figures, Random Statistical Findings That May Or May Not Be Accurate, Scientific Studies That Don't Matter If They've Been Peer-Reviewed Because They Reinforce My Points, And Other Things That Are Either Not Copyright Protected Or Utterly Made Up And Have Peppered Them Into This Life Changing Guide. Now You Too Can Be Mystified By My Personal Insights And Finally Learn How To Be More Like Me And Become The "You-est" You I Can Possibly Convince You To Be. Here Is A Chapter Index So You Can Get Some Idea Of What Kinds Of Life Changing Knowledge I Have To Ruse You With In Exchange For Your Money.

Chapter One- Why I'm So Incredibly Awesome And You Are Not (You Bought My Book Sucker)

Chapter Two- The Six Number-One Things In The Way Of Your "Number-Two" Stained Dreams

Chapter Three- The Three Simple Orders You Must Follow To Become Independent-Minded

Chapter Four- How To Put Yourself First (After Me Of Course) And Manipulate People Into Subservience

Chapter Five- Tax Havens, Shell Companies, And Other Tools For Protecting Hard Earned Scam Money

Chapter Six- Maintaining The Appearances Of Success Without Drawing Too Much Attention From The IRS

Chapter Seven- Seduction & Subversion: Sex Scams And Circumventing Charges Involving Sexual Misconduct

Chapter Eight- How To Accept All The Credit When Things Go Well, Deny The Blame Whenever There Are Problems, And Give Yourself Praise In Front Of Others

Chapter Nine- Divorce, Bankruptcy, Indictments, And Other Things That Successful Followers Of My Proven System Don't Need To Worry About When They Inevitably Go Through Them

Chapter Ten- How To Convince Yourself That You Did Nothing Wrong When You've Been Incarcerated For Fraud, Tax Evasion, Rape, Or Other Criminal Offense(s)

Chapter Eleven- One Last Reminder About How Exceptionally Fantastic My Life Is Because I'm So Incredibly Awesome And Why You Should Do Everything I've Told You Even If It Ruins Your Life, Which Of Course Will Not Be My Fault

Chapter Twelve- If You Still Don't Get It: A Brief Guide To My Seminars, Special Services, And Other Expensive Things You Can Buy In Order To Get The Most From My Empyrean Wisdom
(Don't Be On Your Own With Self-Help)