It's so hard to find someone special. It's even harder to find someone who reciprocates; has similar interests, comparable world views, and thinks you're special too. I've tried putting myself out there, going to bars and buying drinks, trying to spark off a conversation at grocery stores, handing out compliments and contact info. Nothing. Nothing ever came from it. It was like being a homeless hooker in the arctic- Nothing but sub-zeros that went nowhere.
So, I broke down and started trying the dreaded online dating thing. I swiped away and texted with a few prospects, but none of it ever amounted to any truly viable matches. I kinda gave up for a while there, and tried to prepare myself for long lonely life of solitude. If I’d been religious I'd have probably become a monk, or nun/priest (depending on denominational gender rules and my level of commitment/aptitude). Without any faith to invest myself in, I lost faith in myself instead. I stopped worrying about my appearance altogether. I mean, I let my diet go to hell, munching down junk food on the couch, and absolutely engorging myself on fast food at almost every mealtime. I stopped going to the gym or even thinking about exercising, and just waddled around in sweat pants and old t-shirts all the time. I didn't even worry about brushing my teeth, wearing deodorant, and I hate to admit this, but I didn’t even bother showering half the time. I mean, I was just kinda wallowing around hopelessly and running out the clock to be honest.
Then one day I’d decided to delete the last of my online dating profiles, and on the very last one I’d noticed a new match had recently come through, which surprised me that I hadn’t seen any prompts on my phone until I remembered that I had turned off all my notifications since they only made me feel lonelier and more annoyed. I was actually rather hesitant to even respond at first, but then I figured, what the hell. I decided to message my match that I was in a bit of a slump lately, but was willing to meet up if they were still into it. I’d figured that this would pretty much filter out anyone just looking for a casual hookup, and pretty much expected not to hear anything back. To my surprise, I did get a reply asking to meet-up anyway just to roll the dice, as it could still be fun to just hang-out even if I were some kind of trolling cryptid, and we could easily just ghost each other or run away screaming in terror in a worst-case scenario. What can I say, not everyone shares my sense of humor. So, I was in.
We decided to do the whole metaverse/avatar meeting thing first, since it was new and all the reviews were pretty positive. I mean, what the hell, it seemed like an easy enough way to just kinda test the waters and break the ice. Ya know? Anyway, after a few of these meta-meets, we both decided to just go ahead and meet offline. By then I had actually pulled myself back into pretty decent shape again, and I’d started taking better care of myself. I was pretty confident that things would at least be, I don’t know, interesting or different, I guess.
So, I won't bore you with the whole awkward hello, or what we had for dinner, where we went after that, and all the kinda who else but you could care kinda stuff. Instead, let’s just suffice to say that we pretty much hit it off right away. By the end of the night, we both knew it was one of those rare my place or yours kinda thing. As it turned out, my place was closer. So that settled it, we left the bar in an oobboorree and got to my place in no time.
As soon as we got inside, I went straight to the kitchen to get us a couple more drinks, and let my date chill-out in my living room. I yelled from the kitchen to go ahead and pick out some kinda movie or something just for atmosphere and get comfortable. Then I snuck into my bedroom to retrieve a little before grabbing the drinks and joining my date on the couch.
My date had brought along this nifty little backpack, and I’d suddenly realized that I hadn't even asked about yet. So, when I did ask, my date said something about not wanting to sound too forward but thought it would be best to be prepared in case things went well. That had me rather intrigued, so I hinted that maybe I’d snuck away to get a little something before coming into the living room. We both decided to reveal our little secret stash at the count of three.
On three, we both pulled out our respective fully automated electro-erotic dongles which as it turns out, were made by the same company, so it was super easy to pair them! After we both agreed to the terms and conditions of our relationship upgrade status and signed online consent forms, we sat back on the couch to watch whole pornographic product show. After a while we even decided to spice things up a little more and synced up our profile avatars on the holographic projector for an even steamier scene. That really got us going, I mean, it was so incredible! There was even this moment where our avatars had their fingers crossed together in all the action, and the resolution on the holographic projector was insane!
I’m not sure how late we stayed up watching this amazing sexual spectacle before we both ended up falling asleep on the couch. What I do know is that our dongles and avatars were still going strong when we both woke up in the morning. Unfortunately, we both had to go to work, so we had to separate our gear in order to recharge them separately and all. I don’t want to sound overconfident or anything, but I'm pretty sure this isn’t going to end up being just a one off kinda thing. I mean, I hate to jinx it, but I've got a really crazy feeling that this could actually be the one. Who knows, we might even have to experiment a bit more and try sharing a virtual avatar baby somewhere down the road, and I don’t meant to get ahead of myself, but if that goes well, one day we could even find ourselves merging our social media accounts. So, if you’re out there feeling lonely like I was, who knows what could happen one day. Just hang in there. Anyway, fingers crossed on this one!
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