201.04 The
Shrine…
I
began to engage in deep introspections concerning the truth of my-self in this
place… One night, under a heavy curtain of clouds, there was no visible
starlight, and the moon’s reflections were lost… From one darkness to another,
my mind slipped into an abysmal sleep… Within the darkness of this slumber,
something else began…
It
began in the manner that dreams do, with no true beginning… Initially, there was
nothing in this dream… By nothing, I mean that there was only a black void
where nothing existed… Even I didn’t seem to exist in the void of this dream… I
only seemed to become present within the dream in a most detached sense…
In
the ethereal sense that dreams are allowed to make, I seem to find my-self in
the darkness of this dream… My-self is not something I can sense in any real
manner… A sense of being drawn inwards
propels me… I begin to drift inside of the dreaming void… The dream makes it
known to me that I am drifting towards my self…
The
greatest sense of detachment is prevalent throughout this darkened dream… My
self exists apart from my dreaming-mind, and the void exists beyond these
dissociations, etc, etc, etc… It’s as if there isn’t any such thing as space/time
…
Despite
the darkness and surreal detachment, I drift without motion towards this sense
of my self… Somehow, I begin to sense that I am drifting closer to my self in
this void… Then I begin to see the
darkness as obscuring my ability to perceive my self…
In
this non-sense of dreaming, I see
that my self is not only obscured by darkness, but also by a collage of forms…
The forms them-selves are also dark, and only appear as less darkened mass…
None of the forms can be seen clearly enough to be identified as anything in
particular… Everything remains obscured from me…
As
I observe the forms, they seem to be attaching them-selves to what my dreaming-mind
associates with my self… The forms seem to appear out of nowhere in the void,
and drift towards the area around my unseen self… They appear to be forming
some sort of formless shrine… This shrine is to my self, and precedes its presence…
Formless
figures affix them-selves to the
shrine, and immediately begin to degrade… Fragments of the black shapeless forms crumble away from the shrine, and become evaporated in the nothingness of the void… As this is
happening, the remnants of the
shapeless forms seem to dissolve into each-other… These dissolving forms are
diluted into the whole of them, and form
the shapeless structure of the
shrine… Nothing holds any form in this dream, not even the shrine…
A
terrifying sense begins to possess my dreaming-mind in this darkened dream…
Suddenly, I begin to fear that my self might become dissolved into the
formlessness of the shrine… My drifting presence
becomes forcefully propelled by a desire to break through the formlessness of
the shrine… I plunge through the formless-forms, and submerge my dreaming-presence
beneath them… Another vacant void exists between the penetrated shrine and my
unseen self…
I
am still unable to perceive my self in this void of voids… The shrine
disappears into the outer void, as I drift deeper and deeper towards my sensed
self…
Within
this dream, I begin to wonder… What will happen if I find my self? What would
become of me, if I were to discover my self? Would I become diluted into my self,
or would my self become diluted into me? How would I be able to merge with my
self, or avoid such a merger? What am I to do? Terror grips my dreaming-mind,
as I continue to drift through this void of voids…
I
become detached from even the very act of drifting… At this point, I no longer
have any intentions of drifting towards the core of my self… Instead, it is as
if I continue drifting in spite of my dreaming-presence… Wondering what there
might be within this void and beyond it, I continue to drift…
With
a maddening subtlety, my dreaming fades into my obliviousness of waking… As I transition
into waking, the dreamscape’s darkness becomes the blackened night… My drifting
through the dream’s void of voids fades into a sense of falling… Instead of
colliding with my self in the dream, I collapse onto the earthly surface
beneath me…
Another
kind of darkness follows this for what can’t be measured in increments of time…
When I wake from this darkness, I realize that I have fallen from my resting
place… I look up to see the damaged floor of my sky-shanty, directly above me…
Then I realize that I might have been knocked unconscious by the fall… If this
assertion is true, I might also have acquired a concussion… My memory reminds
me, it is not advisable to sleep with a concussion… Obliged to remain awake, my
mind seems to be in bad shape from the fall, the dream, &c, &c, &c…
My
mind continues to consider the many aspects of the dream… Painfully awake, I
think of the dream, my life, my self, &c, &c, &c… Even after the
sun rises fully above me, my thoughts continue as if they are still in this
dark dream… Was it the dream or the fall that had brought me down to this? I
thought…
No comments:
Post a Comment