Gone...

i find it from time to time
this feeling like i've vanished
like my self has abandoned me
like i'm lost, or abducted,
or just
gone

i try to do the things
that i do when i feel
like me
but even then sometimes
it's just an act
 a futile effort
to pretend i'm there
when i know
i've already
gone

 i think
if there's a hell
it probably feels
something like this
this feeling of abundant
nothing
this lack of being
anything
but
gone

sooner or later
i find myself
coming back
and i never know
how long it was
that i was gone
or where i went
or what i did
or even that i ever was
gone

every time i find this
every time i return
i'm glad to be
(back)
and i try not to think
about the fact
that eventually
even this
 this loss
  this gain
will all too soon be
gone