This Side of the Door...

Am I here for some evasion
or drawn by some occasion
Is this where I'm at home
or am I bound to roam
I try to see both sides
each half a heart resides

On this side of the door
I wonder what's in store
In the after as before
I imagine something more
but from here all I can see
are walls surrounding me

I know that I can't stay
as all paths lead away
but I'll stay here while I can
and delay life's pending plan
Adventures begin and end
with something to contend

On this side of the door
I can wait a while more
All those thoughts out there
can stay outside and stare
till I run-out of this supply
and pursue the will to die

In the calm of this evasion
I enjoy the night's occasion
All that's after and before
remains outside this door
but in this cloistered room
there's plenty to exhume

On this side of the door
I've room for my own mind
While on some distant shore
what else is there to find
If there's anything to explore
to thoughts it'll be resigned

As more time passes by
I lose the will to try
and I feel as if I'm trapped
by all the plans I've scrapped
In these walls I've formed a tomb
full of things I did presume

On this side of the door
I feel the need for more
The need to venture out
into the face of doubt
from this oblivion within
into one I've never been

As my mind and I abscond
to unknown realms beyond
at times my thoughts return
to an old perplexed concern
Is there anything I've found
that won't be dirt in ground

On this side of the door
I'm at a loss just as before
and left dreaming of a space
where I'll be in my place
So goodbye to past hello
and hello to... I don't know