An Old Thing...

I was never really young
In my youth
I thought more like
I was old
When I actually
become old
I wonder if I really
will be old

I've been practicing
for all this time
so maybe I'll get
being old right
I hope so
but I wonder
as my mind ages
if all this practice
will ruin being old
I think that by
the time I'm old
the very idea
of being old
will have long since
become old
and I'll end up
becoming something else

Having never been young
and never become old
I'll end up as something
without age
-something
out of touch
with all of time
and I'll run out of time
to figure out
what all of my time was
to me
and what I was
all this time

I'm not old yet
not that old
not this old
but as I'm
getting old
it's already
getting old
This isn't
a young problem
or it doesn't strike me as one

This is an
old problem
and I'm not ready
for it
but I can't put it off either
When I'm old-
  I might be too old
to have left this problem
unsolved
and I'll end up wishing
I could go back
to when I was young
and change my
foolish youthfulness
so I wouldn't have to
face this problem
and others like it
as such an old man

Or I'll wish
I could be
young again
without having been
young before
so I could
really be young
as a consolation
and way to escape
into memories
of my youth
when I can't face
being so old

But then I see
all the old men
that have already
done these things
The ones that weren't
young in youth
wish they could
go back and be that
The ones that were
young in their youth
wish they had been
something else
So I guess no one knows
what they are
or what they
want to be
or what they
would wish to become
   Not really
    Not when thinking back
      or imagining looking forward

It's all the same
old thing
I guess
  but then again
I don't know
at least not yet
   maybe never
This thing sure is
getting old though
  Isn't it